36 weeks!

For Todd tomorrow! She can have that baby anytime now. She has officially stopped counting Tuesdays, so we just are doing a wait and see approach. ;) I am so proud of her for baking that baby as well as she has. Great job!

My mammogram and ultra sound was last week. Without reliving too much of the fear that has since taken place, I had to go back in today for a core biopsy. The lump hadn't grown, but the margins around it were changing, and there was more blood flow going to it now, vs 6 months ago. The radiologist said that it was time to figure out what it is. God, please let this be benign. I have lived for the past 18 months with the thought that it was "probably benign" as that has always what they have said, but she felt a more aggressive approach was necessary, and to help me in the long run with the consistent worry, but then she also has to tell me that it could very well be cancer too. Ugh. I am so not ready to be a part of that club, and I sure worry worry about not being here for my sweet babies. I think that is what causes more worry then anything. I don't want them to watch me get sick, and lose hair, and all of that..I just worry that I wouldn't be strong enough to beat it and talk about it.

So much worry has gone through my head in the last week than has needed to. I have now given myself a tear duct infection. My eye was very painful this morning, and had an infection coming out of the duct..and as the afternoon has worn on, it is coming into the other eye now. I have been using some abx eyedrops, so hoping it is better by Friday. Warm compresses help for about 10 minutes, but then the swelling is back, and the pain comes back just as fast.

Hoping to have my results by Thursday, but I won't probably know till Friday. My PCP is to call me with the news, regardless of the outcome, and his office doesn't typically make calls after 4pm. So, Friday morning will probably be it. If we are benign, we will be very relieved. Please hope for benign.