It is time to get this little guy into the suitcase..so here is my last official blog post before heading north in the morning.
I feel so strange. I feel like I should feel different. I can't explain it. I know when I had Matthew, there was all of this different excitement. Maybe it was because he was my first, and I had no idea what to expect at all. Maybe it was because the birth was scheduled to be so different. I don't know. I had a meltdown in the car today while we were out for a drive. The tears just kept flowing and I just don't know how to describe it. I am afraid of getting too attached to her. I know you may not understand that comment. I have been living in fear for sometime, and it is all coming to a head now. You can pray and pray and pray, and have all of this tremendous support, but at that moment she is born, what is going to happen? What is it going to be like? Nothing feels more weird than saying you are going to go have a baby in the morning. It is just the most craziest thing ever.
Will it be sheer madness? Will it be like an episode of something so scary you've seen on tv?
My biggest fear is that I am not going to make it. I know that sounds crazy. But you hear of that one person not making it, and what if that is me? What if I never get to see Matthew again? I hate being so emotional right now, but all of these feelings I have been trying to be brave with and repressing them are all coming out at once.
Mike says that things are going to be fine..He is doing his best to assure me as my husband that he loves me and knows that we are in good hands. I just feel so sad right now instead of jubilant like you are supposed to be.
In less than 24 hours, our lives are forever changed and I just want them to be nothing but good memories while we are there, and nothing traumatic.
So I am going to sign off now..and hopefully the evening goes by fast and before I know it we are up there where we are supposed to be. Mom and sister are coming over in a few for some last minute visits and hugs and kisses so I need to go get ready for them.
xoxo
H
1 comment:
OH H I so know what you mean.
After having my "close call" when having Logan when it was time to go have Ronan I was a mess. When we dropped Logan off at daycare before we headed to the hospital I was just bawling. You have a tremendous network of friends pulling for you. We will be waiting on pins and needles to hear all about it.
BIG HUGS much love!
Post a Comment