Stress..

Wish I didn't have it. It is sinking in and I am feeling like I am being swallowed by it. Ugh. I found out today I was denied coverage from my states healthcare. If I could insert a crying emote I would. I don't get it. Last time I was pregnant, I was working overtime..over 40 hours a week, Mike was working 2 jobs..and I was approved with no question. Now I work less than I was, Mike is down to 1 job, we have 1 child already and they flat out denied me coverage. What am I going to do? I just cried all of the way home today. Mostly because it is all my job's fault. I hate that they are shutting us down..I hate that the crushed my dreams of bringing a new baby into this world at the perfect time. I hate that I got a stellar position and as soon as I got it, they decided to close our branch.
Only God knows what is in my future. I am sure this is the perfect time, and he has the perfect plan for us. I try to not doubt him as he always knows best. I just am so fearful at my future. I am going to have to pay for COBRA and that is going to be soo costly that Mike may have to get another job. I tried to buy myself a policy today, and the rep told me that no matter what type of policy I try to buy, they will deny any pregnancy related claims. I just don't know what we are going to do.
I am still dealing with emotions surrounding my father in law's death. I am not going to try to not sound selfish as gosh, I am sure my mil is grieving her heart out. I think we all need to grieve and it will happen different for everyone. But it has been hitting me really hard lately. I wanted to so badly be there the last couple of weeks as he was passing, and I was. I was there the morning he left us, and now it is all that haunts me. I sit here alone and I just imagine his withered body. I can't shake those eerie thoughts out of my mind. Mike wanted to drive to their old house yesterday to see if there was anything left, and all I could think of as we were approaching it was death. Doom and gloom.
Sorry to be such a downer tonight. I have less than a half day tomorrow. Really tomorrow is my last day. I am off at 1:30 and that is it. I have to report to work on Wednesday morning at 10:00 am to collect my reference letter, (we all have to report in order to collect our severance packages) and then they are releasing us. Whew. I will be so glad to have it over with, but so lost as well. I have no idea where I am going, or what my life is going to be like next week. Yikes! Lord help us all! LOL!