We said goodbye tonight.

I don't think that there could be an emote to use to describe this evening.
I went in expecting the worst thing imaginable, but was still shocked at what I saw.
Here was a man laying in a bed, very much near death, that wasn't this way on Monday.
I walked in and said, "Hi Dave!" and had a huge smile on my face, and he looked up at me and said, "Oh, hi." He didn't know who I was.
He is to the point where he is not knowing what is going on. He is hallucinating, if that is the right word to use..he motioned for my mil to come and kiss him, but yet when she asks him something, there is a coldness in his stare at her. You can tell that he is part here still, and the other half has already left us. He can't walk, he can't hold a cup. He is doing things that are not him. Things that mean that he is leaving us soon. I can't imagine he will be able to hold on much longer. Hospice asked my mil how long they were given, and she told them 2 weeks. They sat her down and said, in our experience, and seeing the way he is now, it will be days.
I really wish I could explain how it was. I cried a little, only allowing one or 2 tears sneak down my face. I didn't want to cause everyone else to start crying too. I waited until I got Matthew to bed, and just let it all out.
This is the part that absolutely kills Mike. Matthew kept going up to the bed, and saying, "Wake up, Bebah, wake up. Grandpa, are you sleeping?" Then Matthew went up to him and hugged him and asked him, "Grandpa, did you hurt yourself? Did you get an owie Be-bah?"
Dave just stared at him.
I didn't feel right taking any pictures. I absolutely may regret that. I felt I would be completely disrespecting him in snapping away at him not being able to be vocal to tell me not to. I asked my mil what she thought, and she said that she wouldn't want to be reminded of him looking like this, and I respected that.
He is very, very skinny, and is almost green as I was told he would be. He looks like he is probably 80, but yet he is 56.
Mike officially broke down tonight. I knew he would. He just couldn't hold it in any longer. I think that he needed to finally let go of his emotions.
So with that...I looked at Dave, touched his head, and said, "I will see you later, I love you."
Matthew went and leaned onto his bed and said "Goodbye Be-bah!"
Matthew won't see Be-bah again. And that breaks my heart so much!