Anxiety

Feeling it big time tonight. All I can hear is the second hand on the clock in the room as Matthew sleeps next to me. I have a clock radio in here, but we have moved the end table next to the door for space reasons and I don't want to wake my neighbors next door.

Mike is on his way back from his visit and nothing new to report he says.

Life here is depressing. All you hear all night long is the Life Flight helecoptors constantly above your head taking people to the emergency room. You know that helecopter = bad news, and it doesn't help.

People here keep to themselves and we are all coming and going at different times of the day and night so there isn't anyone you can really talk to.

I feel robbed when I think about my birth story and how fast I HAD to heal in order to be able to handle everything.

But..I feel so lucky that I have a daughter in the nicu, when another mother doesn't because she lost her baby.

So then I feel guilty for being so sad.

I feel so alone when I have so many people around me supporting me.

I miss my husband's touch. We are so stressed and try to hug and kiss as much as we can, but it isn't the same as it should be. We need to be home.

I miss my dog's horrible breath. I miss my other dogs constant following me.

I miss home.